Flash of Spirit

Working with intuitive people is a gift. I’ve learned so much about consciousness in the past several years that it has revolutionized the way I think and approach problems.

One of the questions clients often ask is this: “How can people be so stupid?”

When a client asks this question (usually not phrased quite so bluntly) I know that this person has lost sight of how uniquely they process information and how they ping situations to discern the highest good. Folks with less active intuition and empathy do not recognize patterns in the same way. Intuitives literally vibrate with knowing, and they have a habit of believing that others operate in the same way. But others do not simply “know” what is going on behind the scenes. They are more likely to perceive the facade, rather than the machinations behind it, and they are dismayed and shocked when a subterfuge or corruption is revealed.

Intuitive folks are then surprised by how surprised everyone else seems to be about what has come to light. This happens on the personal level (how did my friend not know her husband was having an affair?) Or it may be more global (how did people not catch the speculation on conspiracy radio 10 years earlier that outlined the scandal now being exposed publicly?)

When people make a huge to-do about something you have known and worried about for years, it can seem like people are dense, hysterical, or both. But remember, we truly have different sorts of intelligence and we truly need one another. Consciousness is like a huge brain, and some of us are functioning with intuitive centers, while others of us have laser-like logic. We are not meant to be dismissive of each other, we are meant to help each other and thrive together.

Try to move back into loving and accepting those who process information and experience life differently than you. They are not dopey, not by a long shot.  Here are a few notions that may help you regain a sense of perspective.

1. Rushing and being too busy cause psychic blindness. Being busy and tired, as well as keeping intuition switched off, cause us to accept the “presented” information with fewer questions. Possibly this is why using our own intuition has been taboo for so many centuries.

2. Pattern recognition is not the same for everyone. Intuitive people have connected the dots long before the hard evidence rolled in. It takes a lot of dots to paint a picture with facts, so intuitive people regularly ask the question: “Didn’t we already all know this?” No, we didn’t. You did. The rest of us are just now getting the memo. Be tolerant.

3. Confirmation bias causes us to miss early cues. This psychological factor causes us to delete clues in conflict with our existing beliefs. We tend to notice things that “corroborate” our beliefs and to discount or fail to notice factors that conflict with our views. Thus change that is in too great a contrast with our beliefs and expectations can sneak up on us, because we automatically overlook the subtle clues that it is happening. Small bits of worrisome patterns may begin to pile up, but we don’t really recognize the accumulation. The intuitive, who has been worrying about the growing pile of clues for years, then is amazed when her neighbors run out of their homes and start shaking their fists at the mountain across the street that appeared overnight.

4. We are in a time of masks slipping off. There really is a cluster effect, whatever the cause. And we are now in a phase of facades falling away, lies being revealed and truths coming to light. So if you are an intuitive soul, fasten your psychic seat-belt and expect that more of the same is coming. You know, down deep, that emerging truth is a good thing, even though nobody likes the sensation of shifting sands beneath our feet.

5. Being judgmental may impair resilience. Experts in The Survivor Personality,  such as the late Al Siebert, speculate that “making others wrong” gums up our flexibility. People who respond effectively move into the moment, trusting their instincts. They know right from wrong, but they don’t spend much time rolling their eyes or indulging in diatribes. They are too busy landing on their feet and helping others out of burning buildings.  If you find yourself getting stuck in judgment or disapproval of others, add a touch of Zen into your thinking and be mindful of your ability to be fully here, even in the presence of events or people who trigger disappointment.

We are all trying to keep our hearts open and our minds awake. Keep at it. Every good thing that you do, say, think or feel matters.

Why expansion is important: One of the biggest things I’ve learned in recent years is this: anxiety is compounded by withdrawal and contraction. When we make ourselves and our lives smaller, it makes us anxious. The most natural fear response in the world is to make yourself still and small. You can see it in nature: lift up a planter in your garden or a stone in the forest and see little bugs curl up in balls.

The opposite of anxiety is not relaxation, it is expansion.

If you deal with anxiety, you know of the instinctive reactions that accompany it: to breath more shallowly, to recoil from what scares you, and to begin scanning your day and week ahead for things that might trigger a flare of anxiety. Vigilance and withdrawal, as well as living in a constricted way all compound and amplify the anxiety pattern, until it can become a habit, and a very disheartening one.

This is a nasty place to live and many of us have visited it: the worry shifts from a real life target such as a trauma or an ordeal, and instead we are afraid of feeling afraid. It is at this point that we begin to feel broken – there is something “wrong” and none of the normal things we do to feel better seem to touch this strange new problem.

A modest meditation that makes a difference: One of the most effective ways to change this pattern is a simple meditation about expansion. If you can play with the meditation and create a somatic sensation that happens when you get into the expanded mode, then you can develop a quick “instant” switch into the expanded mode. When that happens, you can become “expanded” in a meeting, when you are driving, when you are walking through the mall, or when you are with people who give you the heebie jeebies. You can also do this when you intend to fall asleep, and your monkey mind tries to point out all the things you should worry about instead.

Consider detaching from your judgments about anxiety;

it is not good or bad, but it is not useful or accurate to dwell in a cycle of constriction.

The Meditation: You can do this sitting, standing, lying down, standing  or walking. Eyes open or closed. Imagine that your consciousness, your Self, is extending just outside your body, about six inches around you. As you breath, slow down the breath and with each exhalation see in your mind’s eye your energetic self growing larger. Gradually this energetic emanation of you extends inches and then feet around you. Do this until it fills the whole room. You may see your energetic self, your being, as luminous light, white light, or colored translucent light, or you may simply feel it as a frequency, a vibratory field around you. As you expand yourself into your “large self” notice how your physical body feels. What is your heart doing? What is your gut feeling? Is there a sensation around your solar plexus? Have your lungs begun to slow down even more? Is your breath making a sound? Consider a phrase or word that describes this state. Expand. Large self. Become big. Switch to expanded self. Use the same phrase or word each time with the meditation.

Applications: If you are able to practice this tiny meditation, (which as you can see, is really just a switch of attention and mindfulness), you will notice the shift feeling absolutely real, with an identifiable physical component that you can use to identify the shift, and also to begin to “find” this shift when you need it. In this way, you can switch into expanded mode any time and any where.

If you practice this daily, you will become so strong at it, that it will impact those around you, children and animals will calm down quickly when you switch to expanded mode. You can change your trajectory if you feel something is getting your rattled or making you anxious. The world will still be the world, but your reaction will be strangely calm, clear and steady. That will be the difference.

This technique, more than anything I have tried in the past 25 years, has proven to be extraordinarily effective for all types of personalities and all levels of anxiety. It will enable you to unlearn the anxiety habit and eventually you will realize that you never go there anymore. Try it and practice it faithfully for a month. Experiment with the places you do it and the situations in which you remember to expand. The goal is not to stay in this expanded mode all the time, but to be able to move into it with the flick of your attention and intention.

Remember this: Your clarity, your ability to fulfill your destiny and live effectively are sacred gifts. When you are soaring and living well, you not only receive happiness, you give it to others. Your life, fully lived, is a gift to all of us. Whether we ever meet or not, we are all warmed by your joy. If you want to help the world, help yourself unstintingly and live with joy.

It may not be the world’s most serious condition, but if you are feeling scattered these days, or perhaps every day, it gets you down.

Because I work with sensitive people, intuitive and empathic folks, the question of being too frazzled, too “A.D.D.” to get things done, arises frequently. These people are smarter than average, nicer than normal, more gifted and intuitive than most of us, but they struggle with time, details, tasks, priorities and planning.

The process of attending to the tasks you wish to address is something I call Smooth Focus. It is the ability to be present, to be real, and to dig into something when you wish to, instead of feeling like a random electron bouncing off the walls.  Many of my clients have tried these steps and found them useful. Here are a few well-tested interventions in Smooth Focus you can try.  See if they help you feel more settled.

1. Delayed Tasks Create Heightened Charge. Recognize that when you sit down to a task you have been avoiding, or even one that you have been forced to carve time out to tackle, the first thing you may experience is a heightened charge. You may feel electrified, anxious or like you are vibrating too fast. You may feel an overwhelming urge to get up and do something else. A thousand possible alternatives leap to the mind. You fantasize about cleaning out the garage, walking the dog or searching online for someone you have not spoken to in 15 years. In the face of this vibrating change, it seems like now would be a good time to jump up and do one of those other things.

Here is what is happening. In the first several minutes of tackling a delayed task, you have opened a door and the accumulated feelings and expectations associated with that task are coming at you like a freight train. If you can hang on, it will smooth out in a few minutes. But sensitives and empaths often believe that the way they feel at any moment is the way they are going to continue to feel. In response to the overwhelming charge that occurs when we approach a delayed task, even the most strong-minded among us dash off to do something else because we feel we may explode into spontaneous human combustion.

2. Breathe away the charge. If you find yourself with a rush of electricity in the face of tackling a focused task, use your breathing to ground yourself. Like a marathon runner, breath in through your nose and out smoothly through slightly pursed lips. Match this breath with the intention to slow down internally and smooth out your pace.

We have an acquired fear of thinking slowly and methodically, these days, as though we will be left behind if we actually sit still and work without drama. You may also want to create a little affirmation for yourself: “I can be still enough to do this,” “It is safe for me to do this,” “I can do other things at another time; right now, this is my time to focus on this task.”

3. Deliberately do one thing at a time. The idea of doing one thing, finishing it, and then selecting the next most important thing is like torture to some of us. Yet, many people tell me their morning flies by in a round robin of unfinished tasks as they ricochet from one thing to the next; each thing they pick up stimulates them and triggers a thought of something else. We joke about this, blaming age, frantic stress, hormones or cell phones. But this is not our natural way of being.

If you find yourself with the ricochet pattern, dare yourself to do one thing and not to waver from it until it is completed. Note how many times your mind comes up with an alternative and how automatically you start to put down what is in your hand to go do something else. You may have to resist the “go” impulse a dozen times before your task is completed.

It is not the case that multitasking is a sin, or that doing one thing at a time is more spiritual – the point is this: if we have become incapable of doing one thing at a time, then something is out of whack. Use some of your tasks as meditations and exercises in mindfulness. Start, proceed, let go of the flicker of alternatives that dance through your mind, and finish! Then, and only then, move on to the next big thing. If you can master this process, you will begin to free yourself from feeling scattered and overwhelmed.

4. Reward yourself for Smooth Focus. When you are able to smoothly focus upon and complete what you choose to engage in, then reward yourself for learning how to operate your own controls. At the back of our love affair/addiction with the frantic mode is our hidden wish for enhanced control and choice.

Once your subconscious mind recognizes that matching the focus to the task actually gives you more control and more choice, the inner anxiety-maker will start to let you off the hook. Completing tasks on time, without fear and drama is not a radical move on your part. It is going to be okay. This is a skill, nothing more and nothing less. Learning it is positive because you then have more options in your life and you will become more free. Do something nice for yourself after you engage in smooth focus practice. Soon it will be easier and you will be pleased to find that your modes of focus are far more under your control than you had imagined.

Good luck to you!

We all have moments of euphoria when we take up a challenge or respond to our calling. Most of us have moments of discouragement along the way. The ups and downs are sometimes quite predictable:  I call them the way of the initiate because they are like villages along the path of destiny. Some are heavenly and some are horrible, but seeing them as part of a larger pattern allows you to trust your decision instead of worrying that these are “signs that you should turn back.”

Questioning yourself or your purpose is not the answer.

Maintain your own authority and discernment: these ideas are not meant to limit you, but rather to give you a sense of the territory through which you may travel. Here are the stages you may encounter as you take up the challenge of living your purpose.

1. The Threshold: You know you are meant to do something special, but you don’t see how it can happen. It feels as if you are waiting for someone to recognize you are gifted and invite you to participate in the life you were meant to live. It is a time of longing and uncertainty. You have heard the call, felt the pull, looked at the possibility and you are unsure. The secret of the threshold is that nothing will happen until you say “yes.” Decide to decide.

2. The Crossing: This is a place of euphoric agreement. You have decided that regardless of what it takes or what it means, you will accept your path and move forward. You sign up for school, you begin writing your book, you accept a new job, or rent an office. This is like falling in love – it feels like the heavens open up and everything falls into place. There is a rush of synchronicity and many things go your way! Indeed, you have changed tracks, and things are rearranging themselves just for you. The secret of the crossing is that the celebration or honeymoon is not that important. You must focus on the learning, growing and understanding the work.

3. The Disillusionment: After the bliss of The Crossing, this phase comes like a sucker punch. How could anyone be mean to a radiant being like you? How could clients be manipulative, why would anyone bounce a check, why don’t family members understand your mission? The Crossing leads us to expect that following our bliss will be … blissful, and not feel like work. It is at this point that many folks cancel their ticket and go home, not because they lack the right stuff inside, but because we have been mislead regarding what to expect. Seekers are particularly prone to worrying that a string of nasty surprises means you are on the wrong track. But if you are in the phase of disillusionment, it is simply a stopping place on the way of the initiate. It is a crummy phase, but a phase nonetheless. If you find yourself feeling a little queasy about your path, put off and not liking it anymore, or if you wonder why on earth you ever wanted to help people, you are here! The secret of the disillusionment is that there is almost always a passage that really sucks as you enter the “work” of the path you have chosen. It will not always be so awful, and if you roll with it and keep your sense of humor, it will get wonderful again fairly soon.

4. The Refinement: In this phase, you have let go of the illusion of being in your own movie, and you have weathered the blows during the phase of disillusionment. Now you are getting down to what is real for you. You have also gained some understanding of your true gifts within the area that you have chosen. You have turned out to be freakishly good at something you did not expect. You have come to realize that the thing you envisioned doing might not be quite the right fit, but at least it got you over the threshold and into the thick of it. During the refinement, you begin to get real traction and begin to see your impact and contribution. The sense of “rightness” returns and you are settling down. The secret of the refinement is taking this opportunity to create systems and procedures that will support your work. You may even turn away some work because you’ve learned what does and does not fit. Sculpt your path and trust your judgment.

5. The Climb: During this phase, there is nothing but work. You seem not to be getting anywhere, and you feel like you are slowly climbing Mt. Everest. During the climb, people begin to ache. They are tired, they are far from a sense of completion, and they seriously underestimated the arduousness of what they have taken on. You find yourself numbly thinking: If I had known how much work this was going to be, I would never have done it! But now, halfway up the side of a mountain, you really can’t quit. This is a different kind of test. It is gritty. But it is not without beauty. Look where you are! Look what you have learned and seen and touched! The secret of the climb is expanding into it, accepting it, and reconnecting with your love for it all. Yes, it is hard, tiring and enormous, but it is a journey of love and goodness and even the effort is beautiful.

6. The Dragons: There are always dragons near the gate as you approach the final stage of your process. It suddenly becomes “impossible” to finish your degree, you cannot test for your credential, or the publisher who wooed you suddenly does not like your manuscript. These things are not happening because you were wrong or because you should not finish your process. They are happening because you are so close. These are the last nasty naysayers guarding the gate. Your job, like the characters in  fairy tales, is to know them for what they are, and to insist on proceeding anyway. The secret to the dragons is that even if you have decided you do not want the prize, the credential, the completion, you should cross the finish line anyway. When we are derailed by dragons, we will always be vulnerable to them. Defy them and you will be amazed at the way the Universe responds. There is a way. There is always a way.

7. The Clearing: The clearing is a place where you emerge into the light. You are no longer an initiate but have come into a place where you are truly and utterly connected with your path and your chosen work. An insult is not going to knock you out of the saddle anymore, a failure is not going to discourage you, nor is a great success going to fool you. There is a steadiness, and a deeply rooted joy found in the clearing. This is the point at which you feel you can truly be of help, because you have developed a steadiness, an ability to accept and stay present, and the awareness that this is not all about you – this is a shared miracle we are all struggling to discover together. The secret of the clearing is that acceptance, expansion and presence will carry you through whatever else comes and whatever else you seek to explore.

Once you have moved through these stages in one discipline, they become easier and more recognizable in others. If you are struggling with something you thought was your destiny, and you are getting beaten up or feeling you got it wrong, sit with these ideas in silence and try to identify where you may be on your journey. If you are feeling stuck, consider which of the taboos may be holding you back: your right to be powerful, your right to use your voice, your right to be real and live authentically, or your right to have needs and get them met. Often when it seems the Universe has blocked us, it is actually because we have unearthed an old taboo as we plant a new crop. Be gentle, be insistent, and don’t stop. You don’t have to know how to outsmart life, you simply need to be willing to proceed.

Good luck to you. Remember: Every good thing you think, feel or do, helps us all.

If you have a vision or dream that involves another person, should you tell them about it?

Many of my clients are sensitive people, highly intuitive, even psychic at times. The question inevitably arises: in the wake of a premonition about another, a warning dream, or what appears to be a message from spirit, should you tell the other person? What if they don’t believe in such things, and would be bothered or offended? What if that person tends toward anxiety, and your warning might send them into a tailspin?

This may seem like a trivial question: of course you will tell. Yet, there are times, people and situations that are not served by your report. I dream about my clients a great deal, and sometimes find that the dreams trace the shape of issues on the horizon. Over the years, I’ve developed a series of check points I use as a reference guide in determining when to share these intuitive impressions, and when to simply sit with them. If you find them useful, please add them to your own style of assessment.

1. WARNINGS: If the impression you have experienced is in the form of a warning, then be inclined toward making a report. You can always explain that you are uncertain whether the impression is meant for you, is symbolic, or whether in fact it is truly a warning for them. In the face of that uncertainty, you felt it best to share the impressions with them.

My experience is that in most cases the other person will dismiss the warning, yet will be better prepared for the eventuality, should it arise. So much of our communication and our preparation takes place on a subconscious level, that you will have helped the other person to have an advantage, should the hazard arise. In addition, you are always in the process of understanding and translating the meaning and implications of your impressions, so involving the other person allows you to have more feedback in the “real world” with which to assess and understand your own subtle awareness.

2. RELATIONSHIPS: When it comes to relationships, be prepared for all your impressions to be shot down summarily. It is almost no use pointing out to someone that they have become involved with a person who is unhealthy for them.

Whether you make this observation depends upon your assessment of how they will respond, whether it will cause an interruption (or end) of rapport, and whether they have reached a point of readiness for input. In most instances, it may be wisest to resist the temptation to report on your impressions, but instead to advise them to proceed with caution. One technique you may wish to try is to have a distant conversation, mind to mind, with them and speak to them in spirit about your concerns.  These unspoken conversations do have an effect. You are not trying to control their mind or their decisions, you are having a conversation that bypasses the hurtles of their conscious objections.

3. CAREER: Most of us bounce off the future that our friends and clients describe. Like an involuntary radar signal, a tiny shaft of your consciousness blips out in the future as a friend describes their interest in taking a job overseas. Immediately, you may get a strong impression or thought: “Well, that isn’t going to work out.” You may then quickly get a flash of the new job they are going to get, right here in their home town. Should you report what just happened in those few seconds while your friend was excitedly discussing the price of apartments in Paris? That is a tough call.

Unless an individual comes to you for intuitive input, is it right to splash their process with the product of your impressions? One solution is this: rather than tell them “what is going to happen” according to you, simply encourage them to follow their wisdom and their clarity. I often tell people to be prepared for a simple answer that has been right under their nose, and to trust themselves when they notice it. Very often I will hear back in short order that they have been offered something much better and more convenient closer to home. We cannot always know what others gain by going through the process of trying on a future and mapping it out, then choosing something altogether different. Sometimes that hypothetical journey was an important one, and short-circuiting it might not serve the highest good.

4. FILTERS: Regardless of whether you are working with a client, a friend, a colleague or family member, always remind them to run your impressions through their own filter of discernment. This is the fail-safe. Even those of us with a lot of experience can make mistakes as we translate our impressions or decipher our dreams. By offering what you have seen or felt to another, and reminding them to “filter it” with their own recognition of what is true for them, you uplift the exchange. You grant them spiritual respect and honor their expertise on their own life. Paradoxically, this spaciousness in your attitude will free up their perspective too. This tends to eliminate the battle of psychic wits to see “who is right” about the situation, and instead allows you both to watch, learn and respect the unfolding grace in life.

5. GET PRIOR PERMISSION: I work with an amazing clientele, and have astoundingly gifted friends and colleagues who work with the mysterious side of life all the time. In general, we have all agreed that if anyone among us has a vision or dream, a feeling of warning or an impression that feels important, we would wish to hear about it. We all feel capable of running such impressions through our own wisdom-filter, and standing fast with our truth. This arrangement or understanding has been invaluable. If you have a few friends who are gifted in these ways, take the time to tell them, before any visions have come, that you would welcome their impressions should this situation ever arise and inquire whether they, in turn, would wish the same.

Obviously, you can ask a person if they would wish to hear a dream or impression about their life when you have such an experience. This permission-seeking is good spiritual etiquette and there is nothing wrong with it. However, psychologically, the overwhelming tendency will be for the individual to say “yes, tell me,” when in fact they may not at all welcome the information. For this reason, I have found on-the-spot permission seeking to be a slightly hollow ritual, although it is better than not asking at all.

6. SIDE-STEP THRILLS: A final consideration is this – try to avoid the thrill of astounding revelations! Keep focused on kindness, respect and trusting others to find their way. In everything you do, everything you say or decide to sit with, you are voting for the health and fulfillment of those involved. As you consider each issue that arises, each person or question, always lean forward with the awareness that people are survivors, we are strong and full of grace, we discover the truth in the midst of lies and misdirection, and we crawl out of every cave and dark place into which we have been thrown. Your respect for this wisdom, strength and clarity is a more powerful gift than the insight you may be struggling with; be generous with that respect and trust the highest good to emerge with clarity and right-timing, in your life, and in the lives of those for whom you care.

Blessing Refused? Have you noticed that once in a while, you try to bless someone, pray for them, send them good wishes, or imagine a better outcome for them and you feel as if you have hit a brick wall? Those of us who meditate and pray regularly for others typically feel infused with joy, we see light pouring in, and can easily imagine healing and improvements in the lives of others. But when your blessing is refused, you may feel suddenly blank, dark and heavy, unable to “see” anything and even start to get a headache if you persist.

People Can Close Their Doors: This happens when the individual in question has closed the door, psychically, to any intrusion. We do have the ability to close the doors and shutters of our spirit, and if you conduct readings or healing for people, or work with a prayer list, you may encounter this sometimes.

What to Do: Here are a few suggestions if you encounter this bewildering phenomenon.

1. Respect the individual’s authority and privacy. Do not persist, once you recognize that the person has closed to your blessing. Let go.

2. Send them a message of respect and honor. Briefly, with the voice of your mind, just tell them you respect them, you respect their authority and you will honor their wishes.

3.  If you wish, you can create a time-capsule gift of energy for them. Imagine a box or a vessel, and pour into it the love, the good wishes, the peace of mind or the confidence you would wish for them, and wrap it up like a present. In your imagination, leave that gift for them outside their energy field, just nearby. If and when they open to receive, then this gift and the blessings it contains will come to them.

4. Send your blessing and prayer to their angel/guides, instead of to them. Simply speak in your mind to the angel/guides of the individual. Acknowledge your respect for the person’s authority and offer your love and blessing to the angel/guide to use to support and bless that person in whatever way is best for them. Give your blessing freely and without direction, simply as a spiritual gifting or “vote” for the best for that person. By sending your love, honor, and good wishes to Spirit to apply, you take yourself out of the loop of intending something for that person, and instead give without strings or thoughts attached.

Why Does This Happen? There are a few reasons why the conduit is closed.

Trespassers’ Halo Effect: You may be one of several people who have been “blocked” by this individual, on a level beneath their everyday consciousness. You may remind them of an abusive/intrusive family member – or you may be a family member, and they feel burned by intrusion and judgment by family. Although well meaning, you may have an opinion or view of them that impairs or distorts things so that the blessing cannot get to them. You may operate from a frequency to which they have polarized, and just as they are “reversed” to the flow of life itself, their frequency is in such contradiction to yours that they do not receive it.

Past Poison:  But most frequently, when there is a block set up to spiritual help, it has happened because the individual in question has been “over-helped” in the past. When help has been provided along with strings of control, toxic labeling, or defining and restricting of the recipient, that help can become spiritually poisonous. Although this takes place outside conscious awareness,  sometimes people who have been poisoned by help will set up a powerful spiritual barrier to rebuff intrusion, because intrusive help has all but destroyed them.

Even though you have no relationship to the poison that came their way in the past, your blessing for them, will “bounce” like a refused email when you try to send it. This person may be moving against the flow of life, out of the current, or they may simply be exercising their spiritual authority to keep out the intrusion that nearly choked them in the past.

If you believe this may be the case, then sending them respect and staying out of their field may be your greatest gift to them. It is said that even angels must wait to be invited into our lives, into our problems. If this is true, then it suggests that we are meant to have authority over our lives and our stories. When those boundaries have been violated spiritually, perhaps the greatest support and healing we can offer is to acknowledge individual “ownership” of the individual’s spiritual journey.

Try these techniques: sending respect instead of rescue, leaving a time-capsule gift of love, or sending your blessing to their angel/guides. You will likely feel a sense of peace and relief afterwards – and this “fresh air” in  spiritual practice is a good reminder that even as we extend good wishes to others, we must also extend respect.

Invisible Gifts

As a teacher I sometimes meet students who were told early in life that they were not bright, and who have lived much of their lives in that belief. When these folks study something for which they are well-suited that ignites their curiosity and their talents, they are astounded to discover that they are smart! I cannot count the number of times students have come up to me quietly and let me know they are blown away and grateful for the experience of discovering they are bright. This was one of the first things I noticed as a young teacher starting my career, the mass hallucination, as one woman put it, “of being a dummy.” When this idea sticks to the walls of your self-perception, it may take a powerful experience, or a dream, to crack the illusion.

This is one of the features of dreams that is most moving and important. We have accepted the labels, the definitions and the circumstantial experiences of others. Our dreams actually try to wake us up in life, and help us to recognize that those shiny pieces of glass around the house are actually diamonds.

What your dreams might say: If you can’t see your own gifts, you may have dreams of discovering treasures, finding valuables or money, being called upon to land a jet when the pilot passes out, or stop the runaway train because there is no one else available to take action. Being forced into heroism, discovering treasure, and noticing new or special abilities (such as flying or swimming) are often reflections of giftedness and goodness.

Pay attention to your dreams and to the clues they provide about your inner beauty, strength, goodness and talent. These clues are there, every night!

(Excerpted from: The Complete Dream Book of Love and Relationships).

When I was ten to twelve, my best friend was a wild woman in the making. I was studious,  shy and obedient. My friend Peggy was rascally and outgoing. She would think up marginally disastrous adventures for us and then, when everything went sideways, I would manage the getting-us-out-of-hot water part. I was, even in those early years, something of a designated driver.

One of the wild schemes Peggy came up with was a fascination with martial arts. “We should learn karate!” She announced one day. I instantly saw the wisdom of this decision, because I was a huge fan of Dianna Rigg, who immortalized the role of Emma Peele on the television series The Avengers.  Emma Peele karate-chopped her way through many a villain, with style and a killer jumpsuit. It would be so cool to elegantly karate-chop people in the neck if they messed with me; what more really, would I need in life?

A martial arts academy was found, and lessons scheduled. Then, at the final hour, Peggy bailed out! She has a sore something-or-other and decided that karate lessons would be too much for her. I could scarcely believe it. I, so unsure of myself as to be almost translucent, would be taking private karate lessons without the rowdy spirit who had gotten me into this mess. It was far too late to back down and I decided to pretend to like it, no matter what. The strange thing was, I did like it, immediately. Martial arts made intuitive sense and even the roughest moves seemed oddly familiar. From the first lesson, it was as if I was remembering something I already knew how to do. From 12 to 30, training and teaching martial arts was a big part of my life, and it was of course my first area of exploring consciousness studies as well as comparative religion. In retrospect, the whole thing was meant to be. But it was as if the Universe tricked me into the course of study. I was lured into it by my friend who all but vanished at the threshold to the studio door.

Stories like this one fascinate me, as many times we find our important “next step” on the path through being misled, tricked, or lured into helping out. It is a Divine Ruse, to get us to encounter our destiny. Generally, the trick takes place because the “next step” is something we would never have come to on our own.

Look back on your life, and you will see a corner or two, that you turned because something unexpected happened and you got tricked into growing, into taking charge, or stepping into the limelight.

Now look at your life today. Because here is the thing about the Divine Ruse:  It is always happening. You are always getting tricked into a larger, richer, more luminous version of yourself. It is the speech you do not want to give, but you must cover for a sick colleague. It is the blind date you dread, but can’t refuse because your best friend set it up.  It is the pet you take in, just for a few days while you search for the owner or a permanent home.  You are being lured into the next step of your adventure, your next lessons in love, and initiation of power even now. Cast your memory back to the strange crossings in your life, and give the stretch of road you’re on now the benefit of the doubt! Sometimes we are more brave and more matter-of-fact when we do not realize the magnitude of the moment. Trust in the beauty of your story, and the firmness of your step.

I once was about to sell one of my favorite horses to a young couple who seemed to really like him. He is a challenging horse, and one who is not talented in the ways that I ride, yet who has a lot of potential for other styles of riding. It was difficult to part with him, and so I kept asking my guides, my higher self, the Universe, to give me a sign if I was not supposed to do this. As the time grew near to firm up the deal, I continued to have mixed feelings about the sale. Yet, everything I knew about the couple seemed all right, they were very friendly and seemed to know a lot about horses. The man in particular seemed in love with the horse, who is spectacularly beautiful and charismatic.

One night, I had a dream that was I sitting with the couple and we had shared a meal in a party atmosphere. During the time after the meal, we got out the paperwork to sign over ownership of the horse. Just then, a napkin from the party floated into the air and unfurled into a long streamer, like the message inside a fortune cookie, but much larger. On the message were the words: “Do not trust, do not do it.” I awoke from the dream with the sign I had asked for: nothing could have been plainer. Something was very wrong, and I should not trust the appearance of the situation, nor should I sell the horse to the couple. I simply told them that I could not bear to part with the horse after all, and apologized for backing out of our expected sale.

Shortly afterward, the couple began to have difficulty in their marriage, their business destabilized and they fought long, loudly and hysterically in our circle; to our surprise, drugs and alcohol were a problem for each of them. They divorced and went their separate ways, without the means to keep their horses. Had I sold my gelding to them, he would have gone on the market shortly thereafter and probably have gone piller-to-post because he can be a challenge to work with. I was so thankful that my dream gave me a clear, unmistakable sign on the decision I had been struggling with. How had my dream anticipated a situation that only emerged a month or two afterward?

It is unclear how some dreams appear to anticipate future events with such precision. Fortunately, we don’t have to understand the mechanism by which guidance and intuition work, in order to take advantage of those gifts.

How to Ask for a Sign: I am blessed with friends and clients who are very mystical and spiritual, as well as friends and clients who are non-believers. But anyone can ask for a sign from their own intuition, their own brilliant sanity.

1. Ask for clarification: Ask for a sign, a circumstance, or a dream to clarify your knowing. You may observe an event happening to others which precisely illustrates a telling point about your own question. You may watch a movie or hear a song that “says” something you needed to hear. You may have  a dream that drives home a truth you already knew, but have been wavering about.

2. Ask to see or hear what is missing: When we get into a loop of “what should I do?” we tend to stay in that loop, because it is energized by the fear of making a mistake. Asking “what should I do?” is energetically an affirmation of being untrustworthy to do the right thing. Notice how you feel when you ask that question, or a similar one. If you feel more panicky, more desperate, and get no sense of your own knowing, this is a sign that the question itself is not good for you in this instance.

3. The request to be shown a sign is a good one: Although it may seem flaky to my scientific friends, asking to be shown a sign is a powerful request. It is asking to be aware enough to see and recognize a signal that reminds you of what is most important to you, to remind you of who you are, and finally to remind you of what criteria are most relevant in this context. The “sign” does not necessarily make up your mind for you, it is actually offering a reference point in the landscape of your present situation, by which you will be reminded that it is your mind and your preference which should be considered.

When we are overwhelmed by uncertainty, it is often because we are trying to choose between the reasonable choice and the choice that feels a match with the Self. When we conduct research to learn more about the predicament, we find data that supports the reasoned choice, but that, of course, does not eliminate the sense of unbearable wrongness to the Self. So that kind of data, even mountains of it, does nothing to resolve our discomfort; it only makes it worse.

When you ask for a sign, you are opening to a level of information, insight, clarity and knowing that pertains to the Self. This type of data, although obtained through coincidence, dreams, feelings, or inner knowing, is likely to be far more relevant and to provide peace and closure,because it pertains to what is right for you, not what would be reasonable for another person in similar circumstances.

So ask for a sign, ask for input, ask to be aware, to dream, and to connect with your knowing. Be open to the awareness that what is right for you is what is important here, and sometimes “a sign” is a vital signal that reminds you to honor and abide by what is the right choice for you.

If you are wrestling with an important decision, and feel you have been dreaming about it, yet need support in unraveling the meaning level of your dreams, I would be happy to help. Please write to me about your situation, (gholloway@lifetreks.com) or click the link below to register for a private consultation. Good luck to you!

Let’s see if I’ve got this straight: We’re supposed to follow our bliss, live our passion, go with the flow and be unstoppable. Sort of a cross between Chuck Norris and Gandhi, a gritty, enlightened force of nature. Because, when you’re doing what you’re meant to do, everything will fall into place, right?

Goodness, positive-thinking, and hard work notwithstanding, there’s something wrong with this picture. Sometimes the Universe does seem to open all doors at once, and other times  the work we feel called to do is surrounded by crocodiles. It is loaded down with a particular challenge that makes it seem impossible, even crazy, to consider. What is going on? This question arises frequently with my clients and students.

The finest teaching I’ve found on this subject is a mystic legend that describes how we come to Earth. This legend seems to match many life stories. See how it resonates with your experience. If you sometimes feel your purpose is surrounded by broken glass, this may explain why.

The Legend: When we are about to come to Earth, we come with a purpose.  When we live our lives, this purpose pulsates through us, though we cannot remember it or give it a name; it draws us in the direction of our destiny. This purpose is one of the main ingredients in your life. Wrapped around it, like bread around a sandwich, are difficulties:  personality traits, fears, life conditions that make your purpose seem invisible, improbable and even at times impossible. Everyone’s destiny sandwich is part purpose and part impediment. That is the design. That is the sacred dare we set for ourselves before we come. It will seem as if the thing we must do, is the one thing we simply cannot do because of ironic circumstances.  Knowing we will have no memory of this plan when we arrive, we dare ourselves to figure this out, to solve the puzzle and to brave the challenge. Then we jump to Earth with only our feelings and our courage to help us navigate.

The purpose is connected to your talents, gifts, heart and soul. The challenge is personalized, exquisitely tailored to be  frightening to the core, and basically a huge nuisance. This is not necessarily a universal bugaboo; it is custom made just for you! So you can tell your friends or your therapist, and they will say bracingly: “Just get on with it!” But it isn’t like that for you, because the bugaboo was designed to be a tough one, something that truly gives you pause.

So this is the legend of how life is set up for us. We get our purpose and our befuddlement surrounding it, and we take our parachute and leap into life.

Is it real? I have no idea if this is actually how we come to Earth. But I do find that the principle is profound. The musician has stage fright, the public speaker is shy, the healer loves people but is afraid of them, the teacher who adores kids doesn’t do so well with parents, and so on.

What is your sandwich like? So what is your quest and your bugaboo? How are they linked? Are you a genius who is a poor student? A flight attendant who is afraid of heights? A songwriter who cannot sing? A dancer who is too tall? A tour guide who is blind?

Almost everyone who is doing something they find fulfilling also had good reason to back off. Don’t back off. Don’t assume that the purpose of your bugaboo is truly to block your fulfillment. Perhaps it is part of your life plan, goading you to discover the endless courage in your heart and the vast spaciousness of your spirit. Compromise, adjust, restructure, even redesign. As you continue to choose purpose in whatever ways make sense to you, your bugaboo may become a sort of friendly enemy, like a familiar broken-down gunfighter in an old Western, more specter than substance, not so much a cause for alarm as a reminder of your  guts, your history and your journey.