Flash of Spirit

Lost and Panicky: Megan, like almost everyone in her family, joined the military as she completed high school. She couldn’t wait to get away from home and begin to see the world. Once at boot camp, however, she was horrified at the decision she had made. Somehow, she was unprepared for the rigors of the service; she felt homesick, uncertain and trapped. Slogging through her days, she was tormented by stress dreams at night. Then an unexpected dream changed everything.

Embrace Your Decision: Megan dreamed that her grandfather, who had been her best friend and protector when he was alive, came and visited her. She felt him sit on the edge of her bunk bed, holding a cigar in one hand as he so often had. “Little Fish,” he began, calling her by her childhood name, “You’ve got to get a grip. This seems bad now, but you are going to be glad you made this decision, and you are going to go to college, and do great things for your life and for your community when you finish up here. Don’t let your fear call the shots, you call the shots. You’re going to be okay. You have a great life ahead of you. You remember everything I said, now.” Megan agreed, and felt loved and whole again. Her panic had made her feel she had lost her gutsy, adventurous spirit, but seeing her granddad again reminded her of who she was: “Little Fish,” the girl who could rarely hold still because she was so bursting with life and enthusiasm for the next thing.

Megan awoke early the next morning, saturated with a feeling that she was happy and alive. Then she smelled smoke. Sitting up in bed, she immediately recognized a hint of cigar smoke. As she sat there remembering her dream, the smell faded a bit. Had her granddad really come? She felt so different. Megan’s family comes from a culture comfortable with the notion that our ancestors and loved ones  visit us in dreams, so she simply accepted what had happened, and what the message was for her.

She finished her stint in the service, came home, got married and had a child, and is now finishing her college education. She is very much a “wild spirit,” full of energy, plans and ideas, but she also radiates personal power and focus. Apparently the message of her dream was, for her, the right message at the right time.

Springboard Dreams: We are enriched by our dreams to the extent that we allow ourselves to accept their gifts. This is not an intellectual exercise, it is a an opening up to what we need most, when we need it. Perhaps the most important question to ask of any dream is this: How does this experience function as a springboard for me to move forward in life with greater strength and kindness?

Trapped in Grief: Deb and her husband should have been the perfect couple. They met and married at a young age, and seemed ideally matched, like twin souls on the same mission. But over the 3 years of their marriage, Deb’s husband became more and more distant, finding excuses to be apart and avoiding intimacy. Although Deb did everything she could to keep the marriage going, when her husband finally confessed that he wanted a divorce, she didn’t fight any longer. They divorced, but remained friends. Deb continued to grieve for years about the breakup, bewildered, because she felt they did love one another, and unable to understand what had gone wrong.

The Field Beyond Conflict: One night, she dreamed that she and her former husband met in a magical field illumined by a strange light. In that field, they met and held hands as if taking some kind of vow. Her former husband said: “Deb, I just was not and am not ready for a real relationship. I have a lot of growing up to do, and I could not do it when you were doing all the work for both of us. You are there, you are ready to find someone who is your match. I do love, you, I am simply not ready. Thank you for loving me and for giving me only good memories.”

Deb contacted me after her dream, in the hope that possibly this was an indication that her ex-husband was “coming around,” to the idea of a reconciliation. We explored the dream together and I asked her to close her eyes and step back into that luminous field, and let the knowledge and love in that place saturate her being. “What do you know to be true, when you are there?” I asked.  “Oh,” she said, after a pause. “It is just exactly as he said. Nothing less, nothing more. He was not ready for marriage, and he is not ready now. He may never be ready.” She opened her eyes in some surprise. “This is not the relationship, the partnership, I need and want. I get it now.”

Deb had been stuck, because she had used her desire for this particular relationship as her compass point. She had also used her awareness that her ex cared for her as a reference point. But in this instance, those truths were not the landmarks that defined the journey. When she used the truths of readiness and mature love as markers, her past and future looked entirely different. The events were the same, but their meaning was different.

For Deb, this dream brought peace and closure. She was not “crazy,” and she had not been cut adrift in a world without love. She was able to truly let go of her imagined relationship for the first time, and to embark on friendships that held the potential for mutuality and intimacy.

Movement: Any dream can help you to move forward, to evolve your understanding, or to simply gather your forces for what comes next. While analysis and discovery are thrilling pursuits, perhaps the greatest power of our dreams lies in the energy they bring us to travel forward in our journeys, and the peace and relief they bring to our aching hearts.

Good luck in your journey!

If you have been told you are too sensitive, if you are having what seem to be telepathic or intuitive experiences, if you sometimes are greatly impacted by the moods of others, you may be on the Empathic Personality spectrum. We are often mixed and on a spectrum of these abilities, but because it is so widely misunderstood and overlooked, and because I see so many Empathic Personalities in my practice, I’m currently engaged in researching a cluster of personality traits that I’m calling The Empathic Personality. Here is the link to a brief survey about this (10 short questions). If you have the time, please complete the anonymous survey on this personality type:

Empathic Personality Survey

If you have additional information you’d like to share, please contact me at: hollowayresearch@gmail.com.

Nora is a successful hairstylist in a major west coast city. She has been loving her career for 20 years and has built a very popular business. Now however, she is taking more and more time off, because she is becoming drained by some of her clients. At other times, she finds she dreads touching the scalp or skin of certain clients, because her mood will instantly change when she does so. She believe she picks up their negativity, and sometimes even feels “hot” when she touches them, almost as if she is burnt. Nora has been having bad dreams, and has a low-level almost constant anxiety that she cannot understand. Little things make her want to cry. She recently began “playing around” with a fortune-telling game, and found that she was “scarily” accurate at giving readings. Nora has been desperate to find out what is “wrong” with her. But there is nothing wrong with Nora: she is an Empathic Personality. As she is learning to protect her psychic sponge traits, to maximize her intuition, and to increase her knowledge about her personality she enjoying her life more and her anxiety is dwindling.

Nick is a massage therapist who finds that after he goes home, he may dream all night long about the life of his last client. Even though he knows little about them, he may dream vividly about their childhood, their medical conditions, their love life and their life purpose. He does not know quite what to do with this information, but he knows one thing: there seems to be no way to “turn it off.” Whoever he sees last thing in the day, he is almost sure to have these “life spectrum” dreams about them. Nick has often been told he is too sensitive, but he is now learning that he is more than sensitive, he is an Empathic Personality. He seems to physically “plug into” his clients, and then to process what he picks up, as well as to learn more about them in his dreams. Now that he knows his personality profile, he is learning that he can control his dream patterns, and minimize the volume of the information that flows to him. He is feeling more confident and “normal” about his life.

If you have time, please complete the survey linked above. If you need more information or wish to be interviewed by phone, please contact me at: hollowayresearch@gmail.com

Thank you!

Gillian Holloway, Ph.D.

Once you have a dream that foreshadows later events, you will always wonder which of your other dreams may come true.  A possible precognitive dream is not an call to worry, but it is a time to consider the qualities of the dream seriously and try to take advantage of any warning or perspective it may offer.

Dreams that come from left field are more likely to be connected with future events. If you recall, record and reflect upon your dreams routinely, then you are familiar with your style of dreaming. Your dreams have a certain style, a type of theme that is common, and a way that the story unfolds. Premonition dreams often are strikingly different from this habitual dreaming style. They may be extra-memorable and stand out in your mind.  One man dreamed of his son being killed when his car rolled back and crushed him. He remembered the dream vividly because it was horrific, but also because it didn’t fit with his dream style. “It came from out of nowhere,” he said. Two weeks later, the incident actually happened, but thankfully, he snatched his son out of the way and no one was injured. He felt that the dream had alerted him to this possible point in time, and because he recognized the surroundings from the dream, he acted early and the deadly accident was avoided.

Dreams that focus on people you seldom dream of may be precognitive. Several years ago, I dreamed that my brother was struggling to put out a fire. I seldom dream of my brother and he leads an extremely quiet life in the country. But the next day, we learned that a fire had broken out in the timber on his property, and he had spent the day, along with several other people, putting the fire out. They were able to handle this emergency with little damage to property and no harm to anyone.   I picked up on his sense of crisis, which was unusual, and also on the threat of the fire, which was also unusual. This does not mean that every dream of an old friend or distant acquaintance is a psychic dream, but when you dream of someone who is typically once-removed from your dream ensemble of characters, it may well be that you have tuned into something about their life. If it is reasonable to do so, you may want to check in with them and see how they are doing. If find out there is a connection, make note of what happened  in your dream journal. The more you learn about your premonitions and  dream connections, the better able you will be to trust your intuitive dreams quickly and effectively.

Premonition dreams can be symbolic. When my father passed away, I had a dream of an earthquake a week before his death. Even though we were not close at the time of his passing, I apparently picked up the shock wave early. Since then, I have spoken with a number of people whose dreams of global disasters, earthquakes and end-times have actually coincided with the loss of a parent. When someone who is a foundational figure in life is about to transition, it can sometimes bring on a dream of having the foundation of your world shaken or altered. This does not mean that every holocaust dream is a signal you are about to lose someone, but if and when you have a “big” dream like that, consider all sort of possibilities. The purpose of such dreams is not to upset us, but to prepare us and help us to connect with the larger view of life.

Different visual and sensory style can be included in premonition dreams. Many dreamers tell me that their precognitive dreams are more brightly colored than other dreams. Some people have noted a more full-sensory experience in their precognitive dreams as well. They can hear the gravel crunch beneath their shoes, smell the soot in the air from the fire, or feel the snowflakes melt on their hair. Any dream can contain sensations of course, but full sensory experiences that stand out to you may be an indicator of a precognitive experience.

Keep a positive attitude. This ability is a natural one, associated with our spirituality and also with survival abilities inherited from our ancestors. The more you embrace this ability as part of your biological and spiritual heritage, the less it will rattle you, and the more intelligently you will recognize and respond to dreams that foreshadow the future. Remember this: the majority of cases I hear about have come true partially but have actually enabled the dreamers to avoid accidents, avoid deadly mistakes, and save the lives of loved ones. These dreams are not showing us what is carved in stone, but may be rehearsals that enable us to meet possible futures in an empowered way. By keeping track of your dreams and future impressions, you will give yourself a powerful advantage and put to use a natural gift that is meant to serve you.

Are the obstacles you’re encountering a signal from the Universe that you should rethink your goal? Working through this question with clients over the years, through dreams, intuition and life story, we’ve encountered some basic truths. If you’re wondering about this very question, you may find them useful.

Power-related goals always bring up obstacles. Goals associated with power are  fraught with challenges the like of which you may never see elsewhere. Examples are: finishing your degree, getting a professional license, breaking into publishing or testing for a credential. If your goal will give you more power, even if you are not doing it for the power,  expect the process to be filled with weird hazards. It is going to feel as if there is a conspiracy against your success. Don’t sweat it, wondering what this means. These problems are not a sign you should quit. Keep at it and don’t let the flying debris hit you in the head. Consider this an initiation or ordeal. If you want to discard the prize, or ignore the profession after you finish then do so, but get the goal you are after first.

Goals related to your voice are highly challenging. There is nothing more taboo than your authentic voice. It freaks out the people close to you, and it ticks off the “experts” who should be helping you. Whether you want to write, sing, teach, paint, make a film, or just live your truth, you will encounter an invisible barrier that makes it feel like it is too much trouble, or too much to hope for. Phooey. Your voice is your sacred right, and the more you express and acknowledge your truth, the better your life will become. You don’t have to chain yourself to a tree or shout from a rooftop to express your voice, but you do have the right to own your truth and express your knowing.

Things get sticky at the threshold. There is an overwhelming human tendency to abandon goals a few feet from their fulfillment. Walking away from the degree, the promotion, the exhibit, or the completion of a project feels so right. It may feel as though you have penetrated some philosophical truth about how you “don’t need” the achievement and life is about the journey, not the destination. Well, although those truths have resonance, reach your destination anyway. Then, if you want to walk away and leave that chapter of your life behind, you will have created completion and closure and will truly be able to move on. It is better Feng Shui for your life.

If you are working against your true preference, it’s okay to let go. Have you ever applied for a sucky job because that’s what job-hunters do, and then discovered how much you didn’t want it, once they phoned you for an interview? Or worked to inch a relationship to the point of commitment, and then realized that was never what you wanted? We waste a lot of time adhering to the expectations prescribed for our situation, instead of listening to the voice inside us.  If you are working against your nature and your preference, then let go. This will free you up to reach for what you do truly want and love.

If you are hanging onto something dismal, because you think it was “meant to be,” let go. Sometimes our commitment to a sense of destiny or spiritual connection can create a kind of test of endurance: just how much punishment can you take? How long can you hang on? Don’t feel you must prove your goodness or your belief in spirit by enduring endless abuse, neglect, discounting or suffering. Most of my clients tell me they secretly “knew” they were in the wrong situation/relationship after their dreams and feelings have unfolded to spell it out. It is as if they wanted permission from someone to finally let go and be happy again. If you are connected with something or someone in your life who is a misery-maker, it is okay to let go. It doesn’t really matter if this person is part of your soul family or if this “lesson” was meant to be. You decide when you’ve had enough. Own what you know, and grant yourself permission to return to the stream of life.

Be aware of “difficulty at the beginning.” There is a Zen principle about “difficulty at the beginning.” Very loosely, this translates into finding out that your idea was dumb, not possible, not practical, won’t pay, or is not open to people who are not already doing it. This is like a weather pattern that smacks down new ideas. Just realize this is the way of it, not the truth of it. Be rather stubborn about the “no’s” you encounter at the beginning, because they can refine your plan, but should not nullify your intention.

Be aware of “dragons at the gate.” When you move toward something that has been a dream of yours, a passionate hope, or something you’ve worked toward for a long time, monsters will jump out at you from every side, saying you lack the right credentials, “it takes a lot of money,” or it simply can’t be done! The closer you get to the finish line of your heart’s desire, the more dragons will threaten you. This just means you’re getting there. Offer the dragons a breath mint and press on!

If you have fears about a project or goal, those fears will be out-pictured in your life. Working on something connected to private fears will magically attract nay-sayers, critics, or technical experts who will pick at you or flatly tell you why it can’t be done. Those critics and experts are not signs that you should give up. Instead, they are your fears being “presented” so that you can chose to keep at it. Go ahead and put your thumb to your nose and wiggle the fingers of your hand at them. Then do the next step. This can actually get to be fun. The more something means to you, the more it relates to your voice, your spirit, your purpose, the more fears may be woven around it, and thus, the more silly critics may jump out of the woodwork and say “boo.” Don’t let them scare you. They are part of the game. Give them your raspberry salute and plunge ahead!

Be willing to let go of the form, but not the essence. The person you loved may flee the scene, but don’t give up on love. The job you thought you wanted may be snatched from underneath you, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be a success. The house you made an offer on may get sold to another, but you still can and will find the perfect home. Separate from the forms when they leave or don’t work out, but deepen your connection to the essence. You haven’t been told “no,” you are simply letting the “not quite right” forms fall away.

These are the best of the best ideas that have emerged through client dreamwork, intuitive processing, and true stories of success and surprising joy I’ve been happy to witness over the last 25 years. Use them and trust yourself!

One thing that confounds even the most dream-savvy among us is the degree to which some of our dreams are gory and disturbing. Here is one key to understand: the dreaming mind expresses emotional violence in scenes of physical wounding.

The dreaming mind is vigilant about personal evolution, satisfaction and self-expression. These are not trivial “extras” to be delved into someday when we can find the time, but instead are considered the very point of life. When something or someone short-circuits your essence, you may have horrific dreams that depict diabolical evil attacking or draining you. These horrific scenes are vital to explore, because their exaggerated drama is actually an important signal of a reality that should not be ignored, or “made okay.”

Cannibalism: One woman dreamed of dating a new, attractive man who was in fact a serial killer and a cannibal. He captivated people, because what he truly wanted was to kill them and then eat them. Her nightmare was filled with graphic scenes of this character munching on body parts that left her shaken and queasy when she awoke. She also felt a sense of dread, because the dream was ambiguous about what she would choose. Even after she knew this man was a psychopathic killer, she still felt drawn to him in the dream. She was terrified of him, but she was also afraid that she could not trust herself to make the obvious choice for her own survival.

Honoring Your Truth: This woman was happily married with grown children but was in a career transition. She was contemplating entering a career field that held much that attracted her, but which she felt would set her up for emotional burnout. Like many sensitive people, she easily became drained and upset by the rougher side of life, although she felt almost duty-bound to enter a field that would place her in the front lines of challenging conditions. As we discussed her dream of considering a life choice that felt threatening and might “consume” her like a monster, she felt empowered to honor her unique sensibilities. She was, she felt, perhaps better suited to a work situation in which her perceptiveness and sensitivity might be assets, rather than windows through which she might be drained or even exploited. She felt that the dream was “shouting” at her to point out her concerns were valid and valuable information; not flickering shadows she should judge as cowardly and then attempt to ignore. To be devoured by something you attempt to love or help is not a useful fate for anyone concerned. Often grim and violent dreams are an attempt to gain our recognition of a truth we have chosen not to respect.

Blood Loss: One woman told me that for a period of 2-3 years, she was plagued by nightmares of extreme blood loss. In the dreams, she would suffer a seemingly small injury, like a cut, but the bleeding would not stop. Soon, she would be slipping on the floor as she tried to walk around, dodging puddles of her own blood. At that time in her life, there was no daytime equivalent or physical condition, so she could never understand why her dreams kept repeating. When we discussed the way blood loss can sometimes express emotional draining, like a kind of loss of life-force, she immediately recognized a connection. During those years, she had been in a close romantic relationship with someone she loved dearly, but who had been a severe drain on her, emotionally, sexually, and ultimately financially. Although she “knew” this person had problems, she had attempted to stick it out and try to fix up and smooth out the rough spots in their life together. As she reviewed this important series of dreams, she realized they had been telling her: The damage you are sensing is, in its way, quite real. Don’t ignore it. Because we are subtly instructed throughout life to make our subjective experience and truth less important than external reality, we tend to also ignore and degrade our subjective awareness of what matters most to us. When this happens, we essentially cut ourselves off from emotional,  spiritual and intellectual nutrition, trudging onward bravely as if ignoring our truth was the noble path. We may only come into awareness of the back-story of our lives when we are severely out of balance, or when we encounter evidence of a terrible unhappiness when it emerges one way or another.

These grim messages are not trying to force us into decisions; instead, they are validating our subjective experience, the imbalance or starvation we are enduring. They are saying: this is real. Honor what you know and feel.

The Marrow of My Bones: A few years ago, I was involved with a man who had “everything.” The master of the small gesture, he was so practiced and smooth that women often asked me if there were “anymore where he came from.” Yet from the time we became involved, I began having dreams of abduction, subjugation, violence and wounding. I knew that this was a very bad sign, but like many people, I was convinced by the “presented self” who was so thoughtful and seemingly kind – I wondered if the nasty turn of my dreams was simply a reflection of the adjustment a life-long single person might have to make in order to be in a suddenly close partnership. One night, I dreamed that this man had awakened and moved close to me. I continued to sleep in my dream scene, while he drilled holes through my skin and muscles, into my bones. Then, vampire-like, he leaned into me and sucked on these holes, until he could suck the very marrow from my bones. I was paralyzed in the dream, and felt the life and core of me being drained away.

When I awoke from this dream, I could no longer ignore my sense that this man, although smooth, charming, and very winning, was determined to somehow pull the life out of me. The very horror of the dream allowed me to sit down and take stock of the situation. It was like spiritual forensic evidence that could not be dismissed. Because of the dream, and others like it, I was able to extricate myself from the situation before I did indeed lose my sense of self.

Checkpoints:

1. Cross-check for other dreams of the same theme: If you are experiencing spiritual wounding, you will have many dreams that illustrate and express the theme. Look in your journal for all the wounding dreams or restricting dreams you can find. Look at them as a body-of-evidence and weigh them together.

2. Ask a few trusted friends for their observations: Unbiased friends who have your back are often well aware of what is “costing” you or draining you. Ask for their observations and impressions to help flesh out the connections between gory dreams, and hurt feelings or restricted essence.

3. Ask for intuitive impressions: Run your dreams and your concerns by someone who is a great real-world counselor. This may be a therapist, but it may well be your manicurist or your dog trainer. You know best who are the channels of wisdom in your life. Ask this person for a gut-check or intuitive reaction to your story. By asking for a gut reaction, you invite pure knowing, rather than intellectual advice. Whenever you want to bounce something off a wise person in this way, be specific about what level of wisdom you’re asking for.

4. Take Time to Digest: Take some time away from the situation to digest what is coming clear to you. Go on a retreat, take a weekend away, visit an old friend. Physical distance fosters clarity and big-picture awareness. Often during these pullback moments, the reality of a dubious choice or a limiting condition becomes crystal clear and less overwhelming.

5. Trust Yourself: Trust what you know to be true, what you need in this life, and your ability to take care of yourself. If you begin and stay with that trust, you will not go far wrong, and will ultimately be able to correct any course that does not serve your purpose or your happiness.

Twenty years ago, when I was asked to teach a class on intuition, I went in search for books on the topic. I could only find two: both focused on using a pendulum and opening the third eye. I have nothing against those ideas, but did not really see how they would fit in at the university at that time. Instead, I decided to turn the class into a living laboratory, where the students could experiment with a variety of techniques from different disciplines. In addition, we began to catalog our intuitive experiences and to look at how these abilities function in our day-to-day lives.

What emerged was a fascinating phenomenological peek at how we use (and often ignore) our intuitive abilities, embracing our knowing in certain aspects of life while we close it off and feel “blind” or “silent” in others.

Your Intuitive Expertise: Part of intuition appears to function as superlative pattern recognition. This is a high-level ability to recognize the whole by glimpsing a tiny part of the picture. We develop this “feel” for our work, our beloved hobbies, the people we love, or the situations where we get into a sense of flow. It is easy to chalk this up to experience, if you have been doing something for a while, but it turns out that many of the good decisions we make are drawn from the amazing “recognition” ability that is supported by intuition.

Building Intuitive Competence: When you work in a specific field, devote yourself to a hobby or course of study, engage in a spiritual practice, or when you garden, work with animals or raise children,  several things happen that set you up to develop a high level of intuitive function. Your whole posture toward the situation is like a psychic yoga that stretches, strengthens and opens you up to your own abilities.

First of all, you engage the situation with a mixture of interest, affection, dedication and flexibility. Openness and responsiveness foster high performance, re-energize you, and put you in a state of relaxed awareness, so that intuitive connections can leap into your awareness unhampered. If you talk to someone who is good at reading people, understanding finances, training animals or decorating a home, they will tell you it is easy and fun, that the work is not “work” to them, and that challenges don’t dissuade them from continuing. Essentially, they are telling you they come from a place in themselves that is friendly, accepting, interested and flexible. We do this naturally when we are involved in activities or situations we enjoy. But we can also “borrow” this mind-set, this psychic yoga, and apply it to situations that do not evoke such naturally positive feelings, thus inviting our intuition to function and help us to be smarter, luckier, and happier even when we have to deal with things we don’t expect to go well.

Surrender Resistance: Most of the students say that when they have to deal with something that is “not their thing” they spend a lot of time avoiding it, procrastinating, or otherwise resisting the situation. Even if they can’t avoid it entirely, their psychic posture is set against the situation. This is human nature, but unfortunately, it is also one way to close off intuition. Like a reservoir of knowing caught behind a dam, intuitive insight is present but functionally unavailable when we are hardened by resistance. It is as if the arteries through which intuition flows have been closed off by our dislike and fear.  All of us have had the experience of sighing, sitting down to read the instruction manual (or whatever we truly loathe) and then discovering that once we mastered our own reluctance and dread, the task itself was  not so bad or that it “came together” all of a sudden.

Avoid “Othering:” Othering is the verb for making someone “the other” in your story. When we view someone or something as alien, different, frightening or somehow wrong for being who they are, we have created “The Other” in that instance. This philosophical action slams the door in the face of our own ability to truly see, or to have empathy or understanding for whatever we consider to be The Other. When students complain that they feel psychically blind in situations where they have to spend time with certain groups of people, it typically emerges that they are feeling blind and disconnected from themselves when they are in the midst of people they consider The Other.

Cultivate Flow: Engaged in something you love, time is suspended and you operate from a state of flow. When doing a task you dislike, time becomes sticky, slow, choppy, or rushed, stressful and limited. The gritty and painful state of resistance makes everything more aggravating, difficult and unlucky. This is when the printer freezes up, your battery is dead, or you stub your toe so badly you have to sit down and cry for a minute. This is the state from which we make costly, careless mistakes, sabotage our own efforts and “lose things.” Even if you are involved in something that is truly not your cup of tea, you can remember to slow down, smooth things out, invite a sense of flow, and try to be flexible. This will make the process less hellish, and it will keep the door open to your own brilliant intuitive flashes.

Working With Your Blind Spots: Whatever corner of life you have labelled as a blind spot, you can invite your intuition to function more fully, and recognize valuable insights, by borrowing your existing skill set from the places in your life where things come more easily.

1.  Be Friendly: Try to approach this area with friendliness, with a sense of good will. Get into your sense of diligence and ease, moving step by step and keeping your wisdom channels open. If you are resisting the process and feeling hostile, take a breath and try to put your resistance to one side for a bit. We tend to “hate” situations where we feel disconnected from our real selves and from life itself. We have a little bit of control over that experience by laying down the resistance and letting things be as they are for now. Immediately we can feel more connected, and thus, more content and sane.

2. Avoid Othering: If you are othering someone in the situation, try to let that go. The more labels used, the more “right” you feel, the more othering is being done. There is nothing wrong with a difference of opinion, but labeling cuts you off from your own wisdom, and creates psychic blindness in connection with whatever you “other.”  To the extent you let go of this, you will feel reconnected to yourself, reconnected with your sense of magic and calm, and back into the flow of life.

3. Get in the Flow:  Summon the state of flow in whatever way you can muster. Think of cleaning house as harmonizing the vibration of your home. Think of editing your writing as connecting with your readers. Think of paying bills as keeping your word. Find the Zen in what you have been resisting or labeling and your intuition will move to the forefront of your experience, saving you time, money, heartache, and making your experience far more fun.

A mistake unmade: Years ago, I worked with a man whose dream taught me a beautiful life lesson.

In the dream, he had lost his way and attempted to recover by leaping into a raging volcano. Incredibly, his spiraling free-fall to death was reversed and he whooshed back out again: the volcano spit him out!

He felt his dream showed the “strategic” career course he had taken in waking life would have proven a disaster had he not been forced to leave the group he worked with, (a group engaged in practices he found unethical, but which had become normalized in their industry). When he had to leave the company, he had been devastated that his plan had not worked out.  His dream, he felt, was pointing out that he had actually been saved from being “burned alive” and was getting a huge course correction.  It was as if life itself intervened and he was ejected from a disaster-in-the-making; he had been granted a second chance. I have never forgotten this dream, because it is truly universal: some of our disappointments are actually miracles.

Many of my clients are grieving various losses, but many are grieving the loss of something they already knew was wrong for them. There is a stripping away of toxic people, situations and activities going on. It is very easy to feel that everything is going wrong, but if you look closer, you may notice that some of what has fallen away was poisonous nonsense you had prayed to be free of for years!

Accept the invitation: Every life is touched by rejection. We hope to be validated by work or loved ones, and when something goes against that hope, it feels as if life has “broken.” We fixate on “what went wrong” or “what might have been” while the people who truly love us roll their eyes to Heaven and whisper thanks that we finally stopped drinking from the poison well. You can feel two things at the same time: you can grieve and also take up your bed and walk. Maybe what has happened is a loss, and maybe it is a healing. Possibly both. When something painful leaves your life, there is spaciousness to live the greater potentials that were marginalized while you managed the tortuous path.

Journal your truth: Traumatic transitions can become more nourishing by keeping a journal of your dreams and feelings. Date your entries and even if you do not recall a dream, write down your feelings and impressions upon awakening.  Make note of the nudges that encourage you to embrace life. This receptive action will enhance your dream recall and your connection with your truth. Access to this deeper wisdom will help you to embrace the plot change you are experiencing, and to recognize and live the theme of getting your life back.

Express your uniqueness: There is nothing more audacious than writing a poem or drawing a picture. Particularly if you do not self-identify as an artist or poet. Do what you can to express the complexity of your grief and your hope. Most importantly, in your choices, behavior, thoughts and inner experience, express your unique voice. Like the facets of a diamond, don’t be afraid to look at all sides of yourself and to let yourself shine in your unique way. The more you express, not only what you have been through, but who you are, the faster you will rediscover joy.

Follow your mystery: The greatest mystery of all is the purpose of your life; the riddles of love and acceptance you work through day by day, and the contributions you make to others through your actions and your resonant goodness. When there is a shake-up there are also invitations to take up the mystery where you left off, to follow the path that has opened up. Be alert for signs and affirmation of your path. Your destiny is no accident. Don’t waste this second chance, and don’t think it is too late.

Recognize signs of trauma: If you have been jangled by fear, trauma and upset, one reflex is to cast about wildly to replace what fell away. When this doesn’t work, we tend to do more of the same, just faster, harder and with greater chaotic effort. A feeling of desperation is not a sign that what you lost was good for you; rather, it is a side effect of the trauma you have endured.  As we struggle to manage and keep something toxic in our lives, to “make it work” for us, we begin to fall out of alignment with our own spirits. In addition, most mismatched situations encourage us to cut off elements of ourselves that rock the boat. The result is a profound sense of not being yourself, or of having lost yourself. When you escape (or are cast out from) the dungeon, you may feel you have lost a big chuck of your life, and you also don’t feel cohesive any more. Reclaiming your wholeness will happen bit by bit, as you love your life, and as you follow the threads of meaning that speak to you.

Start the chorus: The aspects of your personality, psyche and spirit are massive, beautiful, diverse, and meant to harmonize. Imagine this bold set of voices inside you, all prepared to harmonize in the extraordinary song that is your life. The chorus is more beautiful than you can imagine, and will sing powerfully if you remember you are an instrument, find your tuning fork, stay with your vibration.  Before you take action: tune up! No matter what aspect of yourself will be featured most prominently in this next chapter of your life, focus on being attuned and in harmony with your own vibration and the music of life you love the most.

A few years ago, I was almost killed, and it was a meditation that saved my life.

I was remembering the steps of a favorite old meditation on the principle of harmony and trying to decide whether it was too “woo-woo” to offer to an upcoming class at the university where I teach. I was driving along a rural road that leads to a stable where my horses were then kept. It is a beautiful country drive through farm and ranch land with gorgeous homes on the surrounding hills, along a winding road with several hair-pin curves. As I drove along, I mentally reviewed the steps of the harmony meditation, remembering the sequence and  scrutinizing it for anything that might be worrisome or threatening to students.

As I came around a sharp curve on this quiet road, there facing me was a huge red pick up truck, driving in my lane of the road, bearing down right on top of me. In a split second, I saw both the driver and passenger in the truck had their heads swiveled to the hills, perhaps admiring the stunning ranches that dotted the hillside above us. I swerved to miss the truck, and somehow, the driver realized what was happening and swerved to try and avoid the  head-on collision in the works.

There was no time to correct our course. And then, incredibly, there was no time at all.

Everything slowed down and went silent. In an unforgettable slow-motion dance, the truck curled around my car, and my car curled around the truck, like ballroom dancers pivoting in space. We swirled slowly, almost peacefully, and then my car was in the ditch and the red truck scooted past me and bounced into an adjacent pasture.  I was shaking – not only from the near miss, but from the slow motion maneuvers that had occurred. I turned off my little car, leaped out the door and ran to the truck in the pasture. Halfway there, I was met by the driver running toward me. Neither of us indulged in the  blame game that  adrenaline often triggers. He said: “Are you okay?” I said, “Yes, are you okay?” He said “Yes….are you sure?” When I nodded again, breathlessly, we both said what we were really thinking: “What just happened?” Neither of us had any explanations, and both of us asked a few more times if the other was okay. Then we parted, gratefully, and returned to our vehicles. My little car started right up and popped out of the shallow ditch easily. I drove off, glimpsing the red truck making its way back toward the road.

I’ve come to think of that incident as possible evidence of the harmony principle. I wonder if the grace we experienced was potentiated by the meditation of harmony. I will never know for sure, but I choose to believe there may be a connection. Below is the short meditation on the principle of harmony.

THE HARMONY PRINCIPLE: The idea is that harmony is not merely a concept, but a frequency. It is not a wimpy lack of fight; it is the principle of nature, and if you choose to believe, a Divine force. Like the stars, the tide or the weather, this force is a powerful catalyst, triggering order, peace and smooth functioning. In tandem with this notion is the possibility that we can attune to the power of harmony at will, we can invoke it and help “turn on” its potential in any moment.

THE HARMONY MEDITATION: Imagine that from your heart, you can send out an emanation of harmony, which can travel out into the world, even around the world, touching every single thing in the world briefly and lightly with that emanation of harmony, and then returning to you. Every leaf on every tree, every living thing and every grain of sand, briefly touched with the harmony of your heart. As you inhale, recognize this potential, as you exhale, think silently the word harmony. As you think the word, let your heart energy go forth and travel round the world. Take a few resting breaths and repeat. Let the release be as effortless as the exhalation of your breath. Working peacefully, move through four to six repetitions of this process and then let it go. You may feel an incredible sense of peace and connectedness as you practice this meditation, or you may feel nothing at all. It is likely that the more you practice the process, the easier it will become and the more you will recognize the shift in your intention.

NO LIMITS: There are no limits to the applications for this meditation. I often practice when I am “stuck” in a traffic jam, or when there is a seemingly ridiculous delay that causes a long line at the post office, or in a store. Often the bottleneck does seem to rapidly improve or dissolve more quickly when I shift from the aggravation principle to the harmony principle. (Results may vary). The one thing that always changes, however, is my shift from misery to peace, from judgment of my fellow travelers to the recollection of a larger view of life, and surely that is a considerable gift.

I’ve been researching and reporting on after-death communication in dreams since 2006. These are dreams in which a deceased person appears, and a conversation occurs. These provocative experiences may not be dreams at all, but dream-related visions. Dreamers often awaken with a felt-sense that the visit really happened. These experiences are described as “more real” than dreams.

The question I’m asked most often these days might surprise you. “Why can’t I dream about my loved one? I’ve asked that she visit me in a dream, and it never happens.” Here are a few thoughts to consider around the question of who gets contacted and who does not.

Unfamiliarity breeds amnesia: My research suggests that at least 10% of the population has after-death communication (or ADC) dreams. I suspect the actual number is much higher (more like 50%), but that for a variety of reasons these experiences are seldom recalled.

Interrupted dreams are hard to remember: Many ADCs occur in the midst of a dream-in-progress. The deceased  barges into a dream sequence, conveys their message, and then bloops out again, often with the “regular” dream then resuming. These interrupted dreams can make it harder to consciously remember the visit, because we remember the main dream instead of the visit.

It’s not as easy as it looks on TV: According to messages from folks on the other side who have apparently been able to get through in dreams, the process is not an automatic one, and not everyone can make it work. There is a difference in frequencies between our world and the next, and our dreaming process does not always happen in such a way that they can pop in. Some dreamers have a “better bandwidth” for visitation dreams, and this is why some family members will hear from the departed while others do not, (and can feel very left out). They do not come through to a specific person (necessarily) because they love that person the most, but rather because it was possible to actually get through to that person.

Get past the idea of omnipotence: There is a notion that everything to do with telepathy, with survival of death, with intuition or the paranormal should be flawless, free from error or effort, that non-physical events are clear, easy and controllable at will. That does not appear to be the case. When we begin to let go of this myth of perfection, of control, we open ourselves up to the richness of the mysteries that can and will unfold in our experience.

OPTIMIZE THE POTENTIAL FOR A VISITATION

If we hope to hear from a loved one in a dream, the best we can do is optimize the potential for it to happen, and for it to be remembered.

Things to do:

1. Talk to the departed in your mind. Keep a light perspective, inviting them to visit or give you a sign, but try not to be desperate or overwrought. If you are in the throes of early grief, you may need to wait and go through your process a while before this will work.

2. Pray for them. Whether you hear from them or not, your prayers help them and help you.

3. Practice spiritual courtesy. Wish them well, send them love, let go. Invite contact but do not demand it. Dip into your understanding that love is never lost and respect that the journey seems to diverge and return endlessly.

4. Offer your reassurance: Let them know that whether you get a “sign” or visit from them or not, you know they are all right, and you are all right too. The quality of being in touch with your spiritual intactness and theirs,  seems to make contact easier – it is like a bridge that offers them smooth passage.

5. Write down your dreams: Better dream recall and a stronger relationship with the dream realm seems to make it easier to get a message through. Many of the people in my study have been contacted by distant relatives, friends, or neighbors on the other side, who say they have not been able to get through to a loved one, and are asking that the dreamer convey a message for them. Some of these messages are extremely detailed and specific, suggesting that it can be easier to pop into the dream of your next door neighbor than that of your grieving widow.

The people thus contacted are astounded that the departed (who was only a peripheral acquaintance) would contact them and entrust them with this messenger service. But this pervasive phenomenon underscores the idea that it is the characteristic of easy access, good dream recall, and emotional equilibrium that makes the ADC easy to accomplish from the other side. They want to get in touch because of love, but they are best able to get in touch where the vibrations are easiest for them to traverse, and where their efforts are most likely to result in vivid and accurate memory.

6. Trust your feelings: Many people who have had ADCs said that prior to the dream, they thought they felt the presence of the departed nearby. If you have such an experience, trust it. Simply talk to them in your mind, and express your awareness that you sense their presence, you wish them well, and you hope they may come into your dreams. Be gentle with the experience, and with yourself. It is a learning curve for the departed to try and contact us. Sometimes they go through a lot of effort to get through, and then we talk ourselves out of believing what is happening. Or worse, yet, we become overwhelmed with grief and get lost in sadness. Instead, if you feel their presence, be friendly and respectful. Give thanks, say hello, and encourage dream contact. Don’t take it as a rejection, a failure or a “bad sign” if you do not experience a dream ADC. Trust your sense of connection and love and try to be at ease.

Research request: If you, or someone you know has experienced After Death Communication, I would love to hear your story. Feel free to contact me directly at: ADCdreams@gmail.com

How do you know when you know? Most of us do beautifully with making choices when we’re in a state of flow, surfing a wave of inspiration and banking our turns with the benefit of an inexplicable sense of “knowing” that we’ve made the right choice in that moment.

When there’s a really important or big decision to make, it can be harder to know if you are getting an intuition around it. One reason is because we hold our big decisions with a charge around them and the charge (like static electricity) seems to attract our unconscious worries and hungers. All of this material is like noise that drowns out the intuitive signal.

Process  1: Reduce the Charge. If you can, begin to imagine your decision as a fork in the road. There are many forks, and indeed many roads in this life, this just happens to be one of them. Deliberately take away the drama, the desperation, the life-or-death hugeness of it all. You are the point of power in this moment, not the decision.

Process 2: Reduce the Variables: Instead of trying to pick one answer out of all the nuances in the universe, select two to four options.  Using your intuitive signal, determine which of those options is the best for you. If you want to move to another state, pick four locations that would be possibilities and ask if Colorado is better than Idaho, Florida better than Virginia. When you are done with this, you still don’t have to do anything, but you will have gotten a bead on the best choice among those four things. Students of intuition tend to become extremely accurate and adept at selecting the answer from four choices, because when they “try on” each answer they can sense which one is true.  This is sometimes called a forced choice exercise, and it is one of the best and easiest ways to get intuition to kick in.

Process 3: Imagine Your Future: Have you ever made a phone call, sent an email, purchased something, and then realized in a flash that you’d made a mistake and were going to regret it? One reason for that swift anticipatory regret is because once we “let go” and make a decision, we seem to intuitively bounce off the future related to that decision, and “ping” it, returning with the flavor of events yet to come. You can simulate this effect by imagining your future. What happens after you decide to move? How do you feel? Does it flow or do you feel sticky, blocked and stuck? Imagine telling your friends and asking them to help you pack. Notice what information starts to roll back to you off of that imagined future scenario. Although these impressions may be subtle, watered-down, and imperfect, they do tend to be very strongly related to the “possible” future you are examining. Make note of your impressions and repeat your test when you can be relaxed and alone, and particularly when you are not feeling pressured to make a decision.

Process 4: Talk to the Part of You That Already Knows: Whatever the question you have, there is a part of you that already knows the answer.  When we feel pressured, manipulated, confused and conflicted, or when we think everything depends on “getting this right,” we usually have repeated internal conversations with our Chancellor of Worry, or the Ambassador of Dire Consequences. These parts of us have endless objections and know exactly the horror to brandish that never fails to keep things just as they are. Whether it is a picture of you Losing Everything, Dying Alone, or Never Finding Someone to Love, this particular nightmarish specter tends to shut down your process every time.

When trying to get clear on what will work, you need to hear from the part of you that already knows the answer. Just sit quietly and say: “I want to communicate with the part of myself that already knows the answer. Give me a signal now about this question.” (Then pose your question). Record whatever you experience, without judgment. If you like, repeat this gentle process when you are doing mundane tasks, when you are outside walking in nature, when you are in the shower or bath. You should note that there are similar responses, regardless of when you ask or how you phrase the question. Over several repetitions, you will get a growing sense of certainty and peace around your question. Repetition is one way to validate intuitive impressions. If you bounce all over the place, you aren’t quite talking with the part of you that knows. If you get similar impressions, regardless of whether they seem logical or if they are what you wanted to hear, then you are getting to the core of things.

These four processes, reducing the charge, reducing the variables, imagining the future, and talking to the part of you that knows are some that have worked extremely well over the past 20 years for me and for my students. Good luck with them – I’d love to hear if this helps you.